Women - can we really have it all?

I don't think stay at home mum's have an easy job... Because they stay at home, they're expected to do everything: cook, clean, shop, pick up the children from school, organise everything around her children's school times and husband's work times...
Fair enough, they do occassionally get the odd day off when they can watch This Morning while drinking their coffee or go out for lunch with friends, but the rest of the time they're busy doing everything their lazy husband can't be bothered to do, including but not limited to running his bath and collecting his dirty washing.

After my mum had me and my sisters, she went on to go to University, do modelling, become a secretary, a teaching assistant, a social worker... And my dad is out of work, trying to scrape a college course on graphics and website design together.

I know a full time worker, and she never really sees her family. Her kids see the cleaners more than they see her! She is only doing it to provide the best for her family, but it means that, while they're gaining riches, they're losing the closeness that a family should have and her children hardly know her as their mum, with her not even knowing the names of her's son and daughter's best friends!

I agree with clucky about having it all just at different times

I'm a Stay At Home Mom and let me tell you it is not easy! The battle between 'working' moms and 'stay at home' moms is endless!

but at the end of the day we are all still mommies!

i'm not a mom..so fair away from being one but i think that women can have it all..but i think that ALL comes with time...

I think your focus has to shift once you have a family.  You are obligated to see that your children's emotional needs are met before you provide them with all the luxuries money can buy.  I think if both parents have careers, they have to be diligent in spending time with their family and work extra hard.  A career is fulfulling and rewarding, but parents have to be willing to make sacrifices for their family.  I don't know that you can give %100 to a career and still fulfill your role as a parent, man or woman.

It's too bad Americans don't have manditory vacations like some other countries...you have be responsible for your own mental and emotional health and for that of your family, because whatever company you work for will probably let you run yourself into the ground trying to get ahead.

Yes, it is possibele to have it all. I have seen it on my own mother. Don't know how she does it but I suspect it has lot to do with the fact that my father has always done his share of house work and child caring.

papillionsky wrote:

I think women can have it all, and it's a big balancing act.

Cherie Blair (Tony Blair's wife) seems to have it all. She has had a successful legal career in her own right, is a judge, has had several children and appears to have a social life. It seems to be all about balancing things right. My mum too has shown me that you can have it if you try and put in the effort.

personally i think you can have it all eventually! you can have the perfect family life when the kidz r first born and once they grow up a lil u can restart ur perfect career  and have the perfect life IF u can jugle it all!! i think it would b a hard job to do but it is possible

MISS INFORMED wrote:

I really dont think we can have it all.Why would you have children if you are going to put them in preschool or day care for 12 hours while you work outside of the home. I was head of a big University Preschool for years. I really did love each and every child in my class as if they were my own.But I also know that I saw many preschools that were awful! We are moving to fast at this point and time in the universe. Our children do not have time to be children and are being over compensated with things instead of the most important thing of all time with their parents. I also know that this is a very fragmented world we live in and I am not trying to make anyone feel guilty for things that can not be helped because of the times we live in.

I understand what you are saying there.  My son goes to daycare 3 afternoons a week.  There are some kids there from 7.30am - 6pm 5 days a week - the staff see more of them than the parents. That's a bit much I think!

I think the countries that have paid maternity leaves are really helping the future of their children as well as their country. The most important time period in a childs life is the first five years. If you put your children into someone elses hands you need to be sure that person is not just babysitting your child. your childs mind is like a sponge and they absorb everything. This is such a tough subject because prople can only do so much because this is the real world and there are many different limitations on all of us.

But, of course, dah-ling

Everything is possible is you work hard and stay focused.

I'd love to have it all - to a sensible extent that will preserve my sanity. I'm going to be a high school teacher, so I hope that having the same hours as my future child will help me be there for their emotional development. While there's definitely a lot of take-home work (marking, lesson planning) to do, I feel being around the child will assist the family connection better than being stuck in the office.

I toyed with pursuing other paths such as investment banking and legal careers - but when I attended female networking/pre-internship events and asked the female representatives if they were able to balance a career with children, they gave me a uniform despising look. I wonder why they took it so personally...

It all boils down to what matters to you. I'd rather sacrifice a high-flying career so that I can be there for my future child, since I really missed having my mother around. We could have bonded far more successfully. But I know I'd go insane with a life of pure housework - especially since the notion of tidying breaks me out into a cold sweat!

Despite her hard work, I don't believe my mother has it all. She is a supervisor at her company, meaning that she has a relatively high level of job satisfaction - and is well placed for future promotion. Despite working full-time, she also manages to take care of the entire household. Meanwhile my father lazes around working hard at not helping - and working far fewer hours than my mother. And my mother still has time to cook the entire family breakfast and lunch before she goes to work. I think she's Superwoman.

But all this effort, and we barely have twenty minutes in the day to talk to her, before she goes to bed absolutely shattered. When I see her like that, I doubt that having it all is worth it. She certainly doesn't want to be responsible for all that.

Last edited by EmberKate (08-05-2008 22:48)

EmberKate wrote:

Kresley wrote:

Its horrible how on western culture people are delaying marriage and parenthood until its almost to late, and then rush things through trying to tick those boxes...

How late is too late? I'm curious to know what you think about this. My boyfriend and I have agreed to postpone parenthood until we're 30, in a bid to raise enough money to give our future child a good life (read: private primary [age 4-11] school). I personally think that's a bit late - I'd be happy with a child in my late twenties. And he keeps trying to edge it up to 31, 32, etc... but I see through it

I think you are right and your boyfriend is clearly wrong...
while i understand that most parents want to offer th best for their kids, old parents is defenitly not the best...
As we all know about the female body clock, but the quality of a mans sperm also declines with age...
Also something i dont get from many couples is a woman waits until he is ready (thus putting her fertility on hold) and then they might break up before hte conception, then leaving her to scramble to find a new partner...
I think late twenties is an ideal time to have kids, especially for you as you and your boyfriend are in a relationship now and putting time to develop it...
Many women leave until their mid thirties to get married, then rush a brood of children then get divorced, all beacause the new couple didnt give themselves enough time to adjust to the new situation before they had children...
The way society is now is rushing us to do things...
We are born, sent to school then university, then we are expected to work full time and have successful careers, then be married and with kis all before we are 40...
In the time of our mothers (youth), they would do the school and college get married if it suited them or try for a job...
Now if you're young and decide to be a parent people look down on you as if you are some kind of parasite or failure...
its a sad state of affairs....
So ideally in my humble opinion people should have kids before 30, and my reason for this is that you are young and can space your kids with years difference (as you get wealthier you can afford more kids) also things are not , by the time they are in school you are still young enough to be at your prime!