Jokes!

There are 2 people always next to you:

The Manager, smiling pleasantly to hide evil intentions!

The Team Leader, busy figuring out what work to dump on you next...

And, there's YOU, who struggles with it all!

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife:

'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I

fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, 'Not this time!'

"I just don't understand it",

a footballer complained...

"One match I play very well, and then the next match I'm terrible".

"Well",

said his wife,

"why don't you just play every other match?"

A man walks along a lonely beach.

Suddenly he hears a deep voice:

DIG!

He looks around; nobody's there.

"I am having hallucinations," he thinks.

Then he hears the voice again:

I SAID, DIG!

So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after a bit, he finds a small chest with

a rusty lock.

The deep voice says: OPEN!

OK, the man thinks, let's open the thing.

He finds a rock with which to break the lock, and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot

of gold coins.

The deep voice says:

TO THE CASINO!

Well, the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest and walks to the casino.

The deep voice says:

ROULETTE!

So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables

where the players gaze at him with disbelief.

The deep voice says:

27!

The man takes the whole pile and drops it at the 27.

The table nearly bursts.

Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the ball.

The ball stays at the 26.

The deep voice says:

OOOPS!

haha

very good ones

Q: How many dunb people dose it yake to screw in a light bulb

A: 500. 1 to hold the bulb and 499 to figure out *** to spin the room around!

:)xxxxx

I don't get it.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha..................)

ha ha that dog joke was funny!!!!

After school one day, a young first-grade boy was sitting at the kitchen table, eating his 

afternoon snack, when he blurted out,

"Mom, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming

to school."

The boy's mother replied,

"That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you are

an only child?"

She just said,

"Thank goodness!"

A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat.

"This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and Dad shop

for me." The daughter nods in agreement. "And I think this fur coat would be perfect too."

The daughter protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can

have this."

"Don't worry, honey," says the mother. "Your father won't get the bill for a couple of weeks."

My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment.

She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated.

Finally she said:

- I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!

I replied:

- Aren't you talking on it!?

There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by:

- You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!