Jokes!

dolly30 wrote:

INDIAN WITH ONE TESTICLE

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given
name was 'Onestone.'

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,

'If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good
morning, Onestone.'

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he
made love to he r all day and all night. He made love to her all the next
day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a
woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw
Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love
to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the
next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird
wouldn't die!


What is the moral of this story?????...........................

OH, Come on... take a guess!



Think about it...



(You're going to love this!)




And the moral is...










You can't kill two birds with one stone!!

Urghhh......ahhhhh......well, it's funny....

My grandmother is a computer geek. She also has trouble remembering quickly sometimes. One day she couldn't think of what she wanted to tell us.
Mom explained, "Your grandma is trying to retrieve the information, but it is taking awhile. Evidently she hasn't defragmented her hard drive lately."

A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested: "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?"
The marriage officer said: "Your requirements please."
"Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing.
Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out.
Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."
The officer listened carefully and replied: "I understand. You need a television."

A man is walking along a cliff and all of a sudden loses his balance, slips, and falls off. Fortunately, he has the presence of mind to grab on to the edge, and he's hanging there for dear life. He hangs and hangs an finally yells out: "Is there anybody up there who can help me?"
There's no answer.
He keeps calling and calling. "Is there anybody up there who can help me?".
Finally this big bellowing voice calls back.: " This is God. I can help you.
Just let go and TRUST." Next thing you hear: " Is there anybody ELSE up there who can help me?"

You Know You Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower corner of screen has the words "Etch A Sketch" on it.
9. When you insert a disk, it spits out a pack of cigarettes.
8. You have to pedal it.
7. The manual contains one sentence: "Good luck!"
6. The only chip inside came from a bag of Doritos.
5. When you turn it on, the dogs in the neighborhood start howling.
4. You catch a virus from it.
3. The screen frequently freezes and a message comes up: "Ain't it break time, Chester?"
2. While running, it emits deafening calliope music.
1. It cyber-snickers at you.

Luvet wrote:

a panda goes into a restaurant  , eats , shoots the waiter and leaves
later on the police ask him ' why did you shoot the waiter ?? '
panda replies by saying ' look me up in the dictionary '
the look up ' panda ' and it says
Panda - eats shoots and leaves



you might have to think about this one before you get it ,  tooke me a while

Hhahahaahhahahahahahaahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahaha

motylek15 wrote:

Luvet wrote:

a panda goes into a restaurant  , eats , shoots the waiter and leaves
later on the police ask him ' why did you shoot the waiter ?? '
panda replies by saying ' look me up in the dictionary '
the look up ' panda ' and it says
Panda - eats shoots and leaves



you might have to think about this one before you get it ,  tooke me a while

i don't get it

The panda eats FOOD, shoots THE WAITER, AND leaves. 

Japy wrote:

I still don`t get it ! Sry:(

Aw well. It isn't that funny anyway....no offence intended!

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know... they have frozen glasses... "
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN poop! SIT YOUR butt DOWN, SHUT THE heck UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED butt ISN'T GOING TO A danged BAR! THAT poop IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?"
And they lived happily ever after.
Isn't that a sweet story?

My sister, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, "He doesn't like men." Perfect, my sister thought, and took the dog.
Then one day, two men in a parking lot approached her, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard would react. Soon it became clear that the trainer wasn't kidding. As the men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car.

Japy wrote:

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate
with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck
on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.

LOL!! haha love this joke

A cow goes into an estate agents and asks for a black and white house. the estate agent replies why.

The cow replies Why do you think, i wanna mooooooooove

Last edited by charcharcookie (08-24-2008 09:30)